Worthy for you
by souled-angel
Summary: AU Willow's boyfriend isn't good enough for her. And it's making Buffy mad. Spike's the only one Buffy can truly take it out on. Too bad he's her ex.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Just something short I thought of today while screaming at my best friend's boyfriend.

---

He's looking at me as though I'm insane. I scream at the top of my lungs, sure that the point will reach his tiny, tiny brain eventually. To be perfectly honest, I have nothing really big against him. But the least he could have done was to help her out when she needed it.

But he couldn't stand up to that one person he was supposed to care the most about. All Willow wanted was for him to show those feelings.

Fuming from the ears, I whack my arm straight across, my hand balled into a fist, catching his chest and winding him for a moment. He reaches up and rubs at his chest, yelling something male and meaningless in my direction. I didn't hear it, I'm too busy trying to prove my own arguement.

I yelled loudly at him, not a hundred percent sure of what exactly I was saying that meant so much, but hoping that some sort of point was getting out there. All of a sudden, in a flash of black leather and annoyingly bleached hair, my ex appears next to me and grabs my fist just as it's about to make contact with Wesley's face.

People are beginning to stare. My other friend watches from the window of her mom's car as my yells get louder.

Glancing around quickly I frown at my ex and steal my hand back, storming off towards the direction of my house, which also happens to be the direction of his and Wesley's house too.

Wesley jogs to catch up, certain that he is right, as always. Rolling my eyes, I slow and turn towards him, a look of what I imagine to be absolute disgust on my face. I tense and look him up and down. If it came down to it, I could take him in a fight. He's not too big, not too fast.

He notices my sudden change and steps back, saying something about not wanting a fight. Then he takes the different route home.

My ex catches up to me moments later.

"Follow Wesley, Spike," I say. He knows that I can beat him up too, if it's necessary.

But he remains beside me, and I decide that he's a good enough punching bag as ever. We pull over, him thinking I want to talk, me knowing that I want to get this anger out of my system.

I deliver the first punch. Solid, fast, and with that delightful noise you hear in the movies. He understands now, I'm not into talking. Not now anyway.

So he hits me back. He knows I can take it. My uncle gave me worse before he got put away.

I swing him a left hook and we're started. Unlike a normal girl, I know I can handle myself. I know I'm stronger, and just that little bit beefier than 'normal girls'. It's why I don't really fit in at school.

After ten minutes of punching, and of fighting, I realise my anger is going nowhere. My mouth opens, and what Lindsey Lohan would classify as 'word vomit' comes out.

I colorful example how wide my vocabulary really does stretch pours through my lips, and Spike stands entranced, absolutely certain I'm ready for the loony-bin.

I stop to take a breath, my heart racing and my hands shaking. Another fist flies towards Spike's face and I begin again, not at all concerned by the mark I leave on his cheek. Emphatic as I always am, surprisingly, my arms remain still as I rave about Wesley and how much he should care about Willow but doesn't.

I give Spike several examples, and he chuckles at all of them, which only serves to fuel my rage. Full blown screams erupt out of my mouth, yells from a voice I barely even recognise as I try to defend my friend.

When I realise I'm almost out of things to say, I feel lips, covering mine. Spike's hands cup my cheeks and tilt my face to meet his in a perfect fit. In the ten months that we were together previously, we'd never kissed. We were fifteen when we first begun dating. But I'd kissed many before him, and it wasn't right for me to be his first.

But as his lips covered mine now, in the most beautiful of silences, I realise I should have initiated something earlier. I'm not by any means a tomboy. Nor am I masculine in anyway, other than my slight muscular physical appearence. But I always felt I had to show him the ropes.

Now, he traced my bottom lip with his tongue and slipped it inside my mouth, earning a moan. But I wasn't sure whether it was from him or me.

Our mouths duelled for dominance, his fingers winding around my hair and tugging angrily on it. I reached to his biceps and dug my nails in, giving him the same pain he gave me. Our teeth grazed numerous times, and I was sure I could taste blood, but I wasn't sure who from.

He pulled my head back and stared deep into my eyes, both of us breathing heavily.

"Why did we never do that, Buffy?" he asks me. With a heavy pant and wide green eyes, I slowly shake my head, realising it for the first time myself.

"Because I can never be good enough for you."

---

A/N: Just something short I thought of, like I said before, while fighting with my best friend's boyfriend. I then got into it with my own ex, but some, of course, is exaggerated.

Hope you liked it ;)


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **I'm not sure that this was really popular at all, but I'm adding another chapter anyway, to see how it goes

**Natsumi Sato:** I'm continuing this under your request :P

--

I watched. Sat and felt like screaming and wailing, and causing a huge scene. And I watched.

He flirted with almost every girl who was even _remotely_ appealing. I began to regret inviting all of them. But I couldn't have just asked for him to come over. I wouldn't have wanted to anyway...

Spike and I had decided that it had meant nothing. That it was simply hormones running high, something that happens all the time.

We had re-established our grounds of friendship. Been to the movies with Spike and Wesley, even, who had apologised to me, and broken up with Willow. Somehow, Willow seemed that little bit brighter, no matter how much it had hurt her to begin with.

I felt guilty for making such a scene with Wesley... If it weren't for me, they'd still be together. But both of them had thanked me. Both had said that it wasn't meant to be, and that they were enjoying being single.

Every time I saw Drusilla, a girl from out of school that Spike seemed to have some kind of weird tie to, I felt a little envious. He seemed to always be getting along with her, and she flirted back like crazy.

I never really met her, though. Didn't intend to, really.

Another pang through my heart as I watched Spike slowly approach Cordelia, a friend of mine from eighth grade who I fell out with for a few years. I was rebuilding my relationship with her, and therefore decided to invite her to my party.

Willow came up and nudged me. "Hey, Buffy."

I took a deep breath, trying to fill my lungs with the air that they seemed to be lacking.

"Hey, how are you?"

She smiled and shrugged, sipping at a soda, looking off in Spike's direction.

I glanced at him, watching as he lay back against the grass comfortably, grinning sexily at Cordelia, who sat across from him and began conversation in a low voice.

I looked away, swallowing hard. I didn't like him. He was my friend. You don't like friends in that way.

I heard Cordelia's girly laugh echo through the music, and the animated talk of all my school friends, and I cringed.

This was going to be a long night.

I trudged into the kitchen with a pile of cups in one hand and a few empty pizza boxes in the other.

"Buffy, sweetheart, how's it going?" my mom asked me, turning from the fridge and pulling out a bottle of water.

I smiled softly at her. "People are going to start leaving soon. It's getting a little too late for their parents' liking."

She nodded. "Who's staying, then?"

I thought about it. I could invite any number of people.

"I'll ask a few... thanks mom..." I hugged her.

"I don't want too many boys, Buffy. I'm uncomfortable about that as it is. You have a five person maximum," she finished and left me in silence, in the kitchen.

I slowly made my way outside, already knowing Willow would like to stay.

After five minutes... I had four people. I didn't invite Cordelia. I didn't feel the need. I'd invited her here to begin with, why push it?

My sleep-over crew consisted of Willow, Harmony, Faith and Wesley. The only reason Wesley was really allowed is because mum knew he was a huge softy, who barely hit first base with Willow. The 'nice' guy.

I looked at Spike, who was following every moment of Glory, a friend of mine from down the street, who was running around the yard in a bikini screaming something about tequila.

His eyes caught mine, and he waved, almost sarcastically. I felt a shudder rip through my heart and turned away. Wesley tapped me on the shoulder and I spun, grateful for the distraction.

"Hey... uh... Buffy..."

"What do you want, Wes?" I sighed, noticing that desperate look he got when he wanted something.

"Well... see, I don't really feel comfortable being the only guy staying over. I mean, that one time when Angel stayed-" I turned away, and he paused, regretting the mention of Angel. "I'm sorry, Buffy-"

"No, it's fine. It's not like we were soul mates," I mumbled.

Wesley looked away awkwardly, meeting Spike's gaze. "Can you invite William?"

I screwed my face up. _Who?_ Then I realised.

"Oh, you mean Spike?"

"Whatever it is you call him these days."

"Why in hell would I invite him? He's my god damn ex, Wesley. My mother wouldn't allow it anyway!"

"Buffy, I know she thinks he's gay."

I giggled. It wasn't something I'd intended to happen. It was just something that kind of spilled out the afternoon we broke up.

I'd gotten home, and told mom that we'd split. She'd asked '_why would any guy in his right mind let you go, Buffy?'_ She'd chuckled to herself, and added, _'only a gay man.'_

I didn't want to let her know how much of a bitch I had been to him the whole time we had been together.

So I'd remained silent and raised my eyebrows, watching as my mother made her own decisions about 'William'.

Wesley tapped his foot uncomfortably in front of me as I reminised.

"Please, Buffy? You have no idea how much it would-"

"Fine."

Wesley gave a pathetic, joyful, completely gay shrug of his shoulders, that actually made me wonder a little bit about him, and his sexuality, before he walked away.

To tell you the truth, I think Wesley would be cooler gay. He just seemed to me to be that sort of guy.

As the party cleared out, Cordelia slowly walked out from behind the bushes with Spike, smiling widely. I looked away, picking up some plastic cups and paper plates.

Harmony ran over, helping me, a bright smile on her own face.

"Thanks, Harm," I whispered, my vocal chords strung tight.

She nodded happily, taking rubbish to the bin.

Soon enough, the house was deserted apart from the few that were staying.

"I'd better be heading off too," Spike groaned, picking himself up off the ground.

Wesley looked over at me, almost panicked.

Oh, that's right. Forgot to invite him. Must have been too busy trying to avoid looking at him.

"You can stay the night, if you want," I suggested. Wait, bad Buffy.

A scarred eyebrow made its way up suggestively. I cringed. "Is that right, pet?"

With a frustrated sigh, I stomped my foot. "God, Spike, save it for Cordelia."

Then I stormed into the house, not minding a bit that I had let a little of my envy slip out. I heard Wesley outside, most likely reasoning with Spike, and I shook my head. I should _never_ have said yes to him staying.

I'd set up mattresses all over the floor by 1am. There were pillows, and sleeping bags, and duvets all over the floor, ready for everyone to crash. Willow had half her wardrobe in mine, so her pajamas were an easy find. Harmony borrowed a pair, Faith stripped to her panties and bra, and Wesley stayed dressed in his jeans and overly sensible button up shirt.

Spike had gone somewhere. I wasn't sure whether he was still in the house, or whether he'd gone home. He'd simply... vanished.

Buffy walked over to the DVD player and slipped in the disc that Willow had handed her, knowing it was probably Monty Python or American Pie. Willow was pretty into comedies.

Everyone had settled down when Spike walked into the room, wearing a strange pair of striped boxer shorts and a large black t-shirt.

He looked around. Wesley was on the couch, in a sleeping bag, Faith was on a mattress on the opposite side of the room, Willow was next to her, and Harmony was settling down next to Willow.

I was near Harmony's feet, where I noticed her toes were painted in a candy pink, with little white daisies on every second nail.

With a frown, I fluffed my pillow and lay back on it, pretending that Spike's presence hadn't increased my heart rate or made me feel warmer.

He padded across the room to Harmony, and lay down on his side. She frowned and moved away from him, giving me a small air of relief. Whether it was from the fact that she wasn't interested, or because her toes weren't near my face, I didn't know.

As the movie continued to play out, I heard Faith begin to snore from her spot in the corner. Willow snorted and rolled down to wear I lay, resting her head in her hands.

"Wow, this is fun," she said, sarcasm only slightly lacing her words.

I didn't really hear her. I grunted my reply. My heart was pounding aimlessly against my chest, and I felt unbearably hot. I'd sat myself up, and moved beside the couch, so I couldn't see Spike near Harmony. But as soon as I moved, I'd felt like crying.

I felt as though I couldn't breathe enough air into my lungs, and that I was far too hot.

I moved uncomfortably, the froze as I heard Harmony squeal.

"What the hell!?" she mumbled. I looked around the corner of the couch slowly, and saw her glaring at Spike. "What are you doing?!"

I looked at Wesley, who rolled his eyes, and continued looking at the television.

"I'm not doing a bloody thing, you crazy bint!" Spike exclaimed, but everyone in the room saw as he quickly extracted his hand from under Harmony's blanket.

She glared at him for another five minutes, while everyone else sat frozen in the room. Especially me.

One single tear spilled over my cheek as I finally lay back against my pillow, at Harmony's feet. Willow looked at me tiredly, with a yawn. "Night, Buff..."

I managed a smile at her, "Good night, Will."

Spike slid down from Harmony, muttering something.

"What's that?" I asked, turning my head.

"I'm taking my sodding shirt off," he snapped. "It's like a bloody sauna in here."

And off came his shirt. I grimaced and turned away again.

As sleep slowly began to take over, I realised what was happening. Why I felt so torn.

My heart was breaking. Because of Spike.

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**_A/N: _**Let me know if you're reading this, because then I can know whether to wrap it up in the next chapter, or continue it


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